My Alone Season With God
My entire 4 year college experience (2012-2016) was my alone season with God.
Upon entering college, I had just truly accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. After all of my efforts to become Muslim and grooming myself to be tough and hard to cover where I was weak. God had finally broken down all of my walls. He discontinued all of friendships and taken away all of my interests and desires that had nothing to do with him. This false identity I had created was now destroyed.
Now it was just me and him. I had to relearn who I was. I had to learn how to hear his voice and how to let him have control of my life. There were so many people and things around me. I wanted to be apart of them. I wanted to hang out and have fun. I wanted to meet people and do what other kids my age were doing. I wanted the FUN college experience.
But he gave me strict boundaries. Lines that I could not cross. I couldn't party, no drinking, no smoking, it wasn't time for boyfriends, no staying out late, follow your parents wisdom etc.
It wasn't that everyone else was bad or doing bad things but it was because of what he was trying to do in ME. He was molding me into a Woman of God. A Minister. A Sister and so much more.
The wake up call for me was the day God made me change my Major. I was studying Music Performance. I had auditioned and got my acceptance letter. A few months in, God said CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO COMMUNICATION. I was so confused. My advisors were frustrated with my decision considering the things they had done to help me get in. I remember crying and asking God why.
God told me then, I AM BUILDING UP YOUR VOICE. I didn't know what that meant. I didnt know what for. After all he hadn't called me into ministry yet. Not knowing much about it, I went forward. He made provisions and I excelled.
When I wasn't studying for class, I was immersed in scripture. People used to make jokes about me. I was embarrassed to be a Christian. I thought it made me boring. And when I tried to fit in God would speak to my heart and tell me " YOU DON'T BELONG HERE". I fought for a moment to deny who I was. I wanted people think I cool. I wanted the boys to like me. This just felt so strange to me.
I cried alot during this season of my life. I was depressed. I was unhappy. Not because my life was terrible. But because I was going through changes ppl around me didn't understand. I felt like I was weird. I was frustrated with being chosen. I didn't know how much of a blessing it was.
It wasn't until I ACCEPTED who God was in my life and ACCEPTED who he was making me did I appreciate this season alone with Him. It has everything to do with the woman I am today.
